For a long time I was convinced that I didn’t fall for the guys I was hooking up with. I was introduced to the dating/hooking up scene pretty young (thank you, hormones) and I have never really looked back. While long term relationships were almost always my goal and I have been in a few (I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic) there were always those situations where they weren’t possible. And instead of being reasonable and intelligent and walking away from, shall I say, risky situations, I dove headfirst into them because I was like “yeah, fuck it, this is what I want”.
I’m only 20. But looking back on it, that’s not what I want at all. There are memories I have of men that I knew (or hardly knew) and I just want to hit myself in the face repeatedly while screaming “Why you idiot, why?!” You see I, like so many other people, found this new “hook-up” culture exciting. Sometimes when we find ourselves in long-term relationships we often become bored with one another and start focusing on everyone and everything else which leads to cheating or just nasty break-ups and then a wild few weeks/months of just randomly hooking up with people.
Now I’m not saying this is everyone. One of my roommates is in fact a virgin. One of my other roommates has been in a long term relationship since she was a freshman in high school.But I do know there are a lot of people who act like this, myself included. It can be hard, especially in college, to settle down and realize what you are doing with your body and more importantly, your mind and soul.
I tried to convince myself that I was not interested romantically in any of the guys I hooked up with. I pretended that I was using them and it wasn’t the other way around. But there would always be that point in the relationship where I found myself angry that they weren’t texting me back or mad that they ditched me. And they would just say “we’re just hooking up, chill”.
Why the fuck is there just hooking up? What asshole came up with that idea? It doesn’t matter what are reasons are, it always boils down to one person feeling genuine affection for the other and the other person feeling completely creeped out (I’ve been in both positions). So why do we do this? What part of the human brain convinces the body that giving itself away for just another body in return is alright? Sex has become sex, and nothing more. There is no more making love, or at least it is very rare. I have only made love with one person in my entire life. And trust me, you know the difference. You feel the difference. Because you feel like there is something between you besides just skin. You honestly feel love.
Not only is the value of the sex skewed, so is the value of the people involved. It’s quite unfair, actually. Girls get this silly and unjust representation of a whore or easy while men are considered heroes. Many people will try and fight me on this, but its true and the stereotype comes from both genders. I’ve tried to brag about one of the guys that I hooked up with and one of my friends at the time was like “that isn’t something to be proud of”. It’s just not right. There’s also the problem of the hook-ups that are never really clarified as hook-ups. You know the ones where you have deep, stimulating conversations with someone for weeks and really start to like them as a person and then BAM one thing leads to another and you’re in bed and their not having those conversations with you anymore. Those are the absolute worst.
Hooking up is stupid. No offense to anyone that does it (heck, I’m insulting myself). If you can hook up with a bunch of people and never feel affection for any of them or never have any of them feel affection for you then good for you. You’re inhuman. Teach me your ways. But if it’s possible and you’ve done it please let me know.
Most people my age are content with partying and doing all kinds of drugs and hooking up and not giving a fuck during their twenties but that’s not what I envision the best years of my life being. Sure, I love to party, but I would really love to party with someone that truly cares about me. Someone who won’t be mad we have to leave the bar because I threw up on the bartender. Somebody who will take a shower with me and listen to me ramble on about my dream for hours and tuck me in and then let me make them breakfast the next morning.
I wanna be done with hooking up. I wanna find love.
barefootbitch 